A Chat with God — God’s Guidance in the Midst of Pain
Earlier in the year, I found myself in a struggle with some old wounds that I earnestly desired to be healed. Lately, though, I have experienced deep joy and contentment as I consider the ways God has done a work of healing in me since that time. The following is an excerpt from my journal, in which I wrote out a little conversation that I imagined myself having with God about my brokenness. (“L” is Liz, “G” is God)
“I went up to the door of God’s room and knocked. God opened it and looked at me with all tenderness. He could see clearly the burden I was carrying without me uttering a word. He led me into the room and we sat down together.
L: See this ball of mess I’m carrying?
G:Yes. I see it more clearly than you probably do.
L: I’m confused about it. It lives inside me and it feels like it’s tearing me apart.
G: I know all too well what it does to you. And just so you know, this thing you are holding is not the slightest bit confusing to me.
L: God, I hate this thing.
G: I hate it too, Liz.
L: What am I supposed to do with it? I’ve tried everything I can think of to understand it and fix it and get rid of it, only to discover I’m powerless. What am I to do with it?
G: Give it to Me. Who better to hold it than Me? I know exactly what it is, what it does to you, why it is the way it is. Child, I can see how it burdens you. Let me have it. I can carry it, no problem. And then you, my precious daughter, can be free. Totally free. Not because it’s gone, but because you no longer need to continue carrying it yourself.
L: What are you going to do with it exactly?
G: I will hold it, and in return I’ll give you the ability to rest, the ability to experience peace. My peace and my rest, resting on you.
L: OK. Take it. I want to make the trade. The longer I hold it, the more agony I find in trying to fix it. Please take it, God.
G: I will, child. Here is My peace. Let yourself rest.”
Looking back on this journal entry months later, it is abundantly obvious to me the ways God has actively been binding up my wounds since I had this conversation with Him. I have no completely satisfying explanation for why we suffer, why we experience brokenness and pain. What I do know, however, is that God’s goodness, grace and love in the midst of those forlorn spaces in my own story have been felt with more tenderness than in any other time or place in my life. Praise God for that.
Written by Liz O.